Because in the school of the Spirit,
man learns wisdom through humility,
knowledge by forgetting,
how to speak by silence,
how to live by dying.
-Johannes Tauler

Monday, January 11, 2010

did I already fail?

I moved on New Year's Day. did I mention that?

and since I knew that starting that same day I would no longer be able to buy anything, I prepared as best I could over the last months of 2009. I was determined that even though I could probably make a good case for a purchase given my circumstances, I was going to stick to not buying anything in 2010.

11 days in, this has definitely been a very cleansing experience - there have been so many things that I've had to second guess myself on, whether I actually need them or not. Simple things, like shampoo. Yes, I'm still washing my hair. But, I'm using one of the cheaper varieties of shampoo, and with moving from a house with soft water to a city apartment with hard water, my hair is not happy with me. I feel like only girls would understand this plight, but none the less, there it is. 

I'm almost out of chapstick at work. Do I buy a new tube or use what I've got in my coat and my purse? 

Yes, these are ridiculous musings, but they are all part of the experience thus far. 

My parents have been a big help, actually! There were a few things I found I needed after moving, and my parents have since donated most of the items to me from their stock. The rest, I've just crossed off the list as unnecessary. 

But, do I even need the things I 'borrowed' from my parents? Just because I didn't purchase it, I'm allowed to possess it? 

Maybe by the end of the year, I'll have given some of the things back. Hard to say what will come from all this!

There's only one problem: I think I bought something...

It was a little Lenten companion prayer book that Magnificat publishes each year, and as I stood in the Catholic store (making a gift purchase for some friends...I'm pretty sure we decided gifts were not part of the package?) I debated whether this was breaking the rules or not. It's for my spiritual well-being. But do I need it? Could I have had a prayerful Lent without this little booklet? 

I have shamefully come to the conclusion that yes, my soul is not in danger without this little prayer book. The question now is what recompense do I make? Return it? Donate that much more money to charity or the Church? Take away money from something else? 

I'm determined not to let this happen again. I feel really guilty. 

No comments:

Post a Comment